Like I mentioned last week, much of my post will come from notes of my study on marriage/wives I wrote last year. This week’s post might turn out to be a little long, so I’ll divide into subtopics/sub points to make it easier on you, the reader. To be clear, God, not man, defines marriage, so I’m leaning on the Word for definition(s), as we should for anything else.
- Marriage is a concession:
Many assume that God desires us all to marry, which isn’t the case. It’s written, The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I’ll make a helper suitable for him’ (Ge 2:18). We understand Adam, which means ‘man’, to be representative of: the individual, manhood, or mankind. It’s my belief that the definitive ‘the’ used before ‘man’ signifies Adam as an individual. However, I will introduce the interpretation of the NIV note on this verse as another possible understanding of it. ‘Without female companionship and a partner in reproduction, the man could not fully realize his humanity.’ On a very practical level, the very livelihood of mankind was dependent on Adam -and soon to be- Eve. That is not the case today where there are plenty of children who don’t have parents to care for them.
In 1 Co 7, Paul lets the Corinthian church know that, ‘although marriage is desirable’, it’s not mandatory. He writes, I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God: one has this gift, and another has that’ (1 Co 7:7). Paul views his celibate lifestyle as a ‘gift from God’ that made it possible for him to accept unmarried state and use it in the service of his Lord (NIV note). In verses 32 to 35, he points out the biggest benefit of an unmarried Christian: a chance to live a life that is completely devoted to the Lord and free from the concerns of a spouse. This isn’t to say that married people’s service to God is less than that of a single person, because based on what I’ve seen; surely it’s a gift to be able to live with a spouse and maintain sanity. (That was a joke married people. Take it easy!)
Based on 1Co 7, I think it’s safe to say that the point Paul is trying to get at is, whether you marry or not, you should do so for the right reason(s), which is to say that you are in God’s will and are lead by him, following his plan for your life.
(Additionally, Jesus’ disciples concluded that it was better not to marry in Mt 19:10. But in the following verses Jesus gives three examples of why a person shouldn’t marry: because they were born a eunuch, made a eunuch, or because they have ‘renounced marriage for the kingdom of heaven’ [v.11-12])
- Marriage is an earthly institution:
Paul explains how marriage is only binding in life in Romans 7:1-3.
And in Mt 22:23-33, Jesus is asked a testing question by the Sadducees: Whose wife will a woman be at the time of the Resurrection after marrying seven brothers according to the levirate (from Latin word ‘levir’, which means brother-in-law) law (The levirate law was in practice in order to protect the woman after she was widowed, and guarantee continuance of the family line; Dt 25:5-10)? Jesus answers in verse 30 that “at the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage…” And in verse 32 he says that God “…isn’t the God of the dead but of the living”. Marriage sets the proper foundation for reproduction and provides man with a suitable helper, both of which will not be necessary in heaven. We will need or want for nothing in heaven! God will supply all directly. Jesus also says that at the time of Resurrection we “will be like angels in heaven”, who were (also) created to do nothing but serve God (v. 30). There will be a new order of existence in the resurrection brought about by ‘the power of God’, and the basic characteristics of resurrection life will be fellowship with, and service for God (NIV note on Mk 12:25). We will be made perfect at the time of resurrection. So, all that we tried to get right down here will be made right up there. We were made to serve him, and we will do so perfectly in heaven!
- Marriage is monogamous:
Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’ for she was taken out of man’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh (Ge 2:22-24). The divine intention for husband and wife was monogamy. Together they were to form as inseparable a union as that between parent and child. As parents and their children are the same ‘flesh and blood’, so husband and wife should be bound together as ‘one flesh’, as long as they live –of which sexual union is an expression of (NIV note v. 24).
In the New Testament, it is written that, …(E)ach man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband (1 Co 7:2), which leads me to…
- Marriage is heterosexual:
The Old Testament command in Leviticus 18:22, ‘Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable’ signifies God’s stance on homosexuality. And so that one doesn’t dismiss that verse as Mosaic legalism, or even as a command condemning same sex relations among males only, Romans 1:26 touches on the issue again. It reads, ‘Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones’. And verse 27 continues, ‘In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion’. With word used like: shameful, unnatural, indecent, and perverse, it’s safe to say, God is clear on this (see blog post titled ‘In Its Proper Place’)
- According to God, the compatibility of potential spouses is based solely on their relationship with Him:
‘Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers [do not make mismatched alliances with them or come under a different yoke than them, inconsistent with your faith]. For what partnership have right living and right standing with God with iniquity and lawlessness? Or how can light fellowship with darkness?’ (2 Co 6:14, AMP). Or more simply put, ‘What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?’ (2 Co 6:15, NIV) One of the Bible’s many rhetorical questions to be interpreted as a statement (i.e. ‘A believer and an unbeliever have nothing, or too little, in common.’)
Ezra chastised God’s people saying, ‘You’ve been unfaithful; you’ve married foreign women, adding to Israel’s guilt’ (Ez 10:10). Their sin was marrying pagan spouses. God’s word had been given to Israel exclusively at the time, so gentile believers were few. Foreign nations served their own pagan -or idol- gods, as opposed the one true and living God. Then, as now, the mother often spent more time with the children and were their primary teacher, to include teaching of religion. To have a pagan wife was to have pagan children. This was a perversion of faith in the home.
God is not concerned with race, ethnicity, national origin, native tongue, or any other earthly designation. As far as we’re concerned His only concern is whether, or not, we’re serving him (Ecc 12:13; Gal 3:28; Col 3:11).
- Marriage should be for life, however…
In Matthew 19:1-12, after being asked a testing question from the Pharisees about divorce, Jesus pointed back to God’s original ideal for marriage in Genesis 22:24, to be united for life. They continued with the question, asking about permission from God -by way of Moses- for a man to divorce his wife, if she becomes displeasing to him (because he finds something indecent about her; Dt 24:1). Jesus answered that Moses permitted this only because the hearts of husbands were so hard, but it’s not what God desires (Mt 19:6, 8). Jesus then gives the only reasonable ground for divorce: marital unfaithfulness (v.9). Unfaithfulness is defined as: not adhering to vows, allegiance, or duty; disloyal, untrustworthy, not faithful (steadfast, in affection or allegiance; firm in adherence to promises or in observance of duty [m-w.com]).
Again, even though divorce and remarrying were permitted and regulated according to the laws of Moses (Lev 21:7, 14; 22:13; Nu 30:9), Jesus elaborates on the Mosaic law concerning divorce in his Sermon on the Mount (Mt 5:31-32; 19:3-9).
Although many people limit the term “marital unfaithfulness” to adultery, the definition of the word ‘unfaithful’ makes it clear that it’s broader than that. Surely marital duty isn’t defined exclusively by sexual monogamy (For some duties of a faithful spouse, see previous blog post.). Based on the above scriptures, I believe that Jesus wanted to make clear that a person’s cause for divorce shouldn’t be arbitrary or made with haste (as was the case he and Moses were dealing with). But this unfaithfulness should be characteristic of the relationship, if the cause isn’t adultery, as opposed to divorcing because the spouse has made infrequent errors or lapses in judgment. Men were basically divorcing their wives for once burning dinner! Go ahead and laugh, but how different is it from some of today’s reasons for divorce?
- Marriage is to be honored:
Marriage should be honored by all (and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral) (Heb 13:4).
- Marriage is to be enjoyed:
In Deut. 24:5, marital bliss or happiness was held in high regard; so much so that there was a law keeping a recently married men from war, or any other duty that would keep him from fulfilling his ‘duties’ to his wife. Read ‘Solomon’s Song of Songs’ where verses like, ‘Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth –for your love is better than wine’ and ‘How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves’ (Sol 1:2, 15). And remember, this is still God’s inspired word we’re talking about! His desire is that married people enjoy each other.
- Wives, be submissive to your husbands:
…Okay, this one deserves its own post. I’ll get back to you on this topic.
